Tingle: "most annoying character contest is rigged"
Exploding Deku Nut received a threatening letter yesterday afternoon, which put forward the claim that the most annoying character contest was rigged in Navi's favour. The writer is a thirty five year old 'fairy boy' who styles himself as 'Tingle', and claims that though he has not been around as long as Navi, he has starred in more games, and during them has proved to be far more annoying.
Here follows his letter: (In accordance with the recently instated censoring laws, swear words have been replaced with 'Navi'. No doubt this will further enrage the writer.)
(We apologize for any confusion suffered whilst reading this, but try to follow it as best you can.)
To the Navis at EDN,
I couldn't help but notice that that Navi of a Navi, "Navi", has been voted most annoying character for the past five years. When I read this the other day I was left in utter disbelief. Navi? Most annoying? Yeah right, Navi off!
Just in case you don't know who it is writing - because I haven't actually told you yet - this is Tingle. Tingle the fairy boy. Thirty-five years of age. And so on.
I have come to the very quick conclusion that the contest was rigged so that Navi would win. I made this conclusion by the very simple fact that, well…I wasn't even aware of the contest!!! I was deliberately left uninformed so that that Navi Navi Navi, "Navi", would win! Oh yes, I am sure of it!
Now, even though I have never had the displeasure to meet Navi, I am aware that she is indeed annoying. However, I cannot even being to imagine that she is more annoying than me. My first argument is this: Navi gives useless advice for free; I like to charge you for it though. For instance, when that duck 'Link' was in Hyrule, Navi could provide him with a map whenever he arrived somewhere new. But me, oh no, I made him buy maps from me for ridiculous as soon as I realised his new friend 'Tatl' was incapable. Oh yes, I made him cut the grass for rupees till it blunted his sword (which is a hard feat for grass to manage). And in the Wind Waker, I charged him hundreds and hundreds of rupees so that he could read his maps. So what if he is trying to save the world and keep my sorry butt from being fried in Ganon's inferno death world, I'm still going to charge through the roof!!!
Number two, the way we talk. Navi speaks in a stupid way so I hear, saying things like 'Hey, look, listen'. But at least those are audible Hylian words. I however will say things like 'Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah!' I mean, what the Navi is that!? That's ridiculous. Far more annoying you must agree. And I take so long to say it! It's the biggest waste of five seconds ever, and you actually have to read it on the screen! At least when Navi does says things it comes as background sound. Doesn't stop you moving. Now I am two points up. Oh yes.
Number three, I occupy more space! Whilst we are both annoying, I am annoying whilst occupying a far greater area. I am in the way on a whole new level. You can't just get rid of me by pressing 'A' when the action button is inactive. Nope, I just bugger around in your way all the time. Just when you think you have got rid of me back in Clock Town, there I am up on Snowhead! Ha ha ha! And then, you run as fast as you can, race on your horse to the other side of the country, but there I am in the swamp! Ha ha ha! I am so annoying! And then, just when the gamer thinks, "Hey great stuff, a new game: The Wind Waker, no fairy partner!"; there I am on some retarded island with a totem pole! And what's more, there are four of me!! You will never be rid of me!!
Ahem…number four…
The letter continued in this way long into the night, and finally reached it's…*sigh*…"breathtaking" finale…
So what were you thinking Navi-face! The most annoying character is Navi!? This is an insult!! I want a re-vote!! If you don't I swear I will back with a vengeance in that lovely looking GameCube game scheduled for 2005. You'll be there riding around on your horse, blazing across the land, fighting evil minions…and then I'll appear and try to sell you a map!! Ha ha ha!! And I'll be re-vamped to look even more annoying too!!
Yours faithfully,
Tingle
Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! (These are Tingle's words, do not steal them!)
Yeah, crazy little freak, we agree. But does he have a point? Maybe Tingle really is more annoying. I don't think we have seen the last of this…
Written by Shadow Of Link
